SEX: it has been a big topic over the last few weeks at Awaken. We began our LoveJoySex series by saying the word “sex” out loud together as a church – at all 4 services, we had a billboard downtown, a Facebook ad, and even business cards that say “It’s ok to talk about sex at church.”
Some people have asked, “Why talk about sex in church? Isn’t it dirty and gross?”
What’s dirty and gross is what our culture has done to sex and relationships. In their original context, sex and relationships were created for our growth and pleasure and for God’s glory. That’s right: you can glorify God by having sex with your spouse (when I said that during last weekend’s message, I saw one couple give each other a high five!). If you’re not married, you glorify God by waiting to have sex till you have a spouse.
Last weekend at Awaken, we studied Song of Solomon chapter 7 – the second and final sex scene in the book…and it gets hot! After years go by in their marriage, Solomon and his wife still have the hots for each other, and are very upfront about their desire for each other.
Throughout the book, they are obviously captivated by each other…
Shulamite: “…his desire is toward me” – 7:10
Solomon: “…you have ravished my heart” – 4:9
Solomon: “[your] eyes…have overcome me” – 6:5
Solomon: “a king is held captive by your tresses” – 7:5
Regardless of where your marriage lies, the same conversation can be exchanged between you and your spouse as well. Here are a few ways to ensure that…
1) Drink from your own well.
God wired us to be sexual beings. Because of that, we need to be very careful where we go to quench that thirst. Proverbs 5 says to drink from your own cistern and your own well, and to always be enraptured by your wife (or husband). Marriage is the ONLY God-given well to quench your sexual thirst from.
2) Starve your eyes and feast only on your spouse.
All parents have told their kids, “Don’t eat that before dinner – you’ll spoil your appetite!” In Job 31, Job said he had made a covenant with eyes not to look at another woman. When we consume media, magazines, and images that are sexual in nature, it’s like filling up on junk food before dinner. You won’t be hungry when the healthy feast is in front of you. Don’t rob your spouse of the affection that is due them (1 Cor 7:3-5) by watching porn, sex scenes, nudity, or by becoming emotionally tied to someone else. It may feel good, but it’s ruining your appetite. Your spouse is your feast. Starve your eyes from everything else.
3) Spend quality AND quantity time with your spouse.
If you’ve read Song of Solomon 7, you can tell it’s not a “quickie.” They took their time, enjoyed each other, and savored the flavor. I know you had to email people, meet with clients, or take care of the kids, but you should never stop dating your spouse. Just because you got married doesn’t mean you went on your last date. For the rest of your life together, you should pursue your spouse. And by the way, if you wait till you “have time,” it will never happen.
Last week, I read a helpful e-book called Porn Again Christian written by Pastor Mark Driscoll on the topic of porn and masturbation. It’s very blunt (in typical Driscoll-style) and very helpful. He does recommend that females do not read the book (due to its honest and frank nature), unless they are married and their husbands agree to it. You can download a free PDF of the book here: Porn Again Christian. I hope you find it helpful.